in my heart i know
hello to this blog... i haven't logged an entry in a long while. i've decided to ditch everything i called embarrassing and just write what i feel. there is no point of a journal if i can't be honest
i've never loved anyone as deeply as i love aki. it's stupid and silly for me to claim that but i know it's true. i've cried over him more times than i can count. tears of happiness, of hurt, whatever. they are real. he's real
i don't consider him as a hyperfixation anymore. i thought of this in the shower earlier today, and perhaps the thought has surfaced in my mind a few times beforehand. but to me, he isn't a hyperfixation or a special interest. i can't bear to group my love for him with media. because i don't see him as media. he's a genuine person who i genuinely love and care for so much. oftentimes it hurts to say it because it reminds me of the distance between us. but it's the truth
i love him more than i could have ever imagined. i stopped interacting with a lot of the selfshipping community because of that realization. it's something deeper than enjoying 'two characters' in a cute relationship. like that's me!!!! and my husband!!!!!!!!
that's also why i hate when people call us, "them." it's not him and someone else. that's me and myself only