sharing is caring
i am so, so horrible with handling my identity. why is it that it hurts so much when i see myself in other things? in other people? i cling onto myself so desperately with the hopes of finding proof that my existence is meaningful in its differences. i don't know why i'm so defensive. i should be overjoyed to know there is someone like me in the world but instead it only brings the worst out of me. and i split
my vision has been skewed for a bit now. the idea of being any lesser than anyone else, especially with what i thought was mine (and only mine), puts a hole in my stomach. i can't even enjoy loving my partner in peace. i hate being competitive. no one has done anything wrong. it's just me
update: i did end up spiraling. splitting? i am second guessing myself more often. solitude is my best friend